Dearest Universe, Thank you for my hyperactive mind

Dearest Universe,

Thank you for my hyperactive mind from the bottom of my heart.
Thank you, thank you and a most sincere thank you as I learn to love myself for who I am even with such an interesting mind, different from the norm.

Finally, at last after so long, I have come to accept this wholeheartedly after the 3 darkest years of my life. Indeed, it is a gift as well as a curse. How is it so? Please read on as I explain and share more.

My hyperactive mind is a gift from the Universe which I totally appreciate during peak stressful periods of my job as an educator simply bcos I can survive with just 2-3 hours of sleep and be super-productive in typing out my reports, result analysis etc to meet tight deadlines. So many of u, readers, I believe may wonder if I must be a brainy one who ace all her exams, oh well, the sad truth is that I didn't ace all my exams, some yes some no mainly because I was rejecting all this abnormality in me during my schooling and university years and of cos I was lazy too. Once in recent years, when I finally come to peace and complete acceptance of who I truly am especially with such a mind, do I unleash the true potential within me as well as me coming to realisation that it could indeed be such a precious gift not many have.

On the flip side, this hyperactive mind has caused me much sorrow as well as pain plus dark eye circles since I was young. I seriously need to spend much on good natural concealer to hide it whenever I put on my basic make-up for work or leisure time.

So how does this special mind cause me sorrow and pain?

1) It gives me a lifelong label in the medical world whereby I need to take a pill every night before bedtime. Mind u, this pill is not cheap, currently it costs Sg $6 per pill and so definitely I have a decent medical cost to foot every year since this label was given.

2) My fiance left me 3 months right before our supposedly ROM solemnisation date 3 years ago in 2013 when this label was given to me while I was under lots of stress from work. He told me that his mum objected to our marriage too for there runs a 3% risk of my future offspring getting such a unique mind. They became so afraid of me that everything we had arranged ( our BTO flat to the wedding packages) were cancelled and I was completely rejected by him and his fearful parents. Overnight,  my world collapsed and I became a walking dead for my heart was too dead or frozen to love even myself. Thankfully, with family warmth, sincere friendships, daily meditation, prayers and regular volunteering, I have found back my ability to love life as well as myself again. Indeed, the only way to get love is to give more love unconditionally.

Looking back  now, I am so very glad that I have not married such a mummy's boy who is no doubt filial but sadly without the courage to love and follow his heart. I do not blame him nor his mum as it is normal that fear and selfishness overwhelmed them. It's God's will that we are not meant to be. I hereby wish him and his family good health and happiness always. Forgiveness is the way to truly let it go. Indeed, this was a test of true unconditional love for my fiance back then when he failed and I graciously accept and respect his difficult decision.Anyway, I am happy to be a swinging bachelorette now and probably forever cos I doubt any guy out there can accept my special mind or even my outspoken nature. I simply love my freedom as a single for life is more than just marriage. With this harsh reality, I have since abandoned my childhood dream to be the happiest bride enjoying true love and bliss with her knight in the most majestic celebration ever. Oh well, too much of Disney fairy tales when I was young :) Nonetheless, I am still thankful for this chance to have loved someone so deeply more than myself. I have no regrets meeting my ex-fiance.

3) Some friends left me and I am judged by some or quite a number of "concerned" relatives.
No doubt, initially I was hurt by the loss of these friendships for I am a gal who is loyal to her friends and value friendships very much. However, after much reading and rational thinking, I have come to accept this harsh reality of life that people come and go in your life , some are like passer-by to teach you something about life, some are lifelong true friends. As for these judging relatives, oh well, what can I say but to simply ignore them and keep a safe distance from them of cos.

 The most interesting fact of life that I have learnt here is this: the richer these relatives are, the most condescending or hypocritical they will be. They hid behind their so-called greetings of Hello and How are you but deep down inside them, they actually judge you or worse are actually very fearful or wary that you may one day ask them for a loan to ease your medical burden. So are some old friends whom I understand that they are more empathetic and perhaps they cannot help to judge too for we live in a world full of judgement. Easier said than done to be completely non-judgemental for every day, I am too trying my best in my line of work with the young minds. Honestly, I do not need their sympathy nor pity for I am still living an OK life but nonetheless, I am still grateful and appreciative of these invaluable friendships which had tided me through the darkest years of my life. Sincere friendships have saved me from the living hell ever possible when I was a walking dead. Thank you my dearest friends out there, you know who you are.

 Indeed money rules the world and it will hurt all relationships even family kinship. Look at the countless family feuds or court cases over family will reported on the papers worldwide, if you don't believe me. Thankfully, because I am an educator, I never need to resort to borrowing money from these relatives nor old friends. I am happy that I can be independent enough to take good care of my medical cost simply by cutting back on my travelling and leisure pursuits.

All in all, no matter what, life is still beautiful when you believe in it. My life is simple yet good. Contentment is bliss.
Happiness is a choice no doubt.
Even with such a unique mind, ( genetic cos my sis has it too),
life still goes on and I believe in living my life to the fullest for it is short. :)
All is well!

Thank you once again, my dearest Universe.

Love from,
ChelleLyn
16 Dec 2106

My Maiden Post: Hello, my dearest netizens......

Dearest fellow netizens:

Finally, it is the time for me to start blogging all over again after so long. My cousin who is an avid blogger has been encouraging me over these recent years to blog and make money too if it's popular.

After reading and observing so much over the past 3 darkest years of my life, I must conclude indeed that I am a survivor! A comeback kid who's now back with a fortified heart ready to take on the world and of cos to share my 2-cents worthy of thoughts and learning gained over these trying years.

No doubt, what doesn't kill you indeed make you stronger for I am a living testament!

So this is what I have learnt: 

Suffering and challenges bring out the Fighter in you

This in turns brings forth your Patience in Adversity,

Patience then brings out the Resilience in you.

So now that you are armed with Perseverance (fighter in you), Patience in Adversity & Resilience, the intangible sound character that will tide you through all future challenges in life.

I am speaking from my personal experience. :)

Anyway, to sum up, this new blog shall be the place where I shall air my thoughts, thanks and gratitude as well as some other observations and insights from my job as an educator for the past 7-8 years. To make this blog a success for my other income source, I have decided to pen my posts in the form of a letter to our dearest Universe as I have had actually been penned down my thoughts in a journal in this same special way over the years. Bcos I have a powerful mind which can be both a gift ( can be super productive with less sleep needed) or a curse ( I suffer from very bad insomnia), I have come to realise that journaling as well as regular meditation are the 2 best ways for me to rest my otherwise hyperactive mind. 

To the weak and insecure readers out there reading this, I wouldn't be surprised that you are most probably concluding or judging that I must be having some mental issues. 

On the contrary,

To the compassionate and warm readers, 

I believe that I  may get some empathy as well as silent prayers perhaps. 

My point here is that I am sharing this truth not to get sympathetic readers but bcos I always believe in this which my late grandpa always taught me: Truths always prevail and Honesty is the best policy no matter what. To protect myself, of cos I won't be sharing the ultimate truth about my sleepless mind but definitely, it is complete truth that I am different, a better word perhaps special. Or perhaps some people may judge and label me as a freak. 

Oh well so be it.. To each her own. Of course, you are free to judge :)

Thank you for reading. 

Good night and God bless.